Looking back.

I just bought Underclass Hero!

So that’s another RM46.50 gone. And just when I’ve managed to save a bit of money.

I was told that you could get the Malaysian edition of it for RM29.90.

But the way I see it, what’s the point?

I mean, the best thing about buying/getting a new album is being able to flip through the booklet while you play the CD for the first time.

It’s all very exciting.

(It’s somewhat like having the very first bite off a solid chunk of chocolate. Nothing tastes better!)

Anyway, that’s not the point.

While I was paying for the CD, my mom very loudly went, “I thought you don’t like them anymore? You said you duwanna buy their CD…..”

I then had to explain it was Linkin Park’s CD I didn’t like.

(Every time I get a new CD, she’d ask what band it was, and I’d say the name, and she’d go, “Never hear before wan?”. But that’s only ’cause all she knows is Linkin Park and SUM 41.)

I told her the only reason I hadn’t gotten any SUM 41 albums lately was because they hadn’t released any albums, up until now.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

How time flies.

I mean, the last time SUM 41 had their album out, I was in Form 3.

Form 3!

I would be going through the PMR Geography paper (which I thought was waaaaay hard), and I’d be staring at questions I didn’t know the answer to, but my mind was doing its own countdown till the day the album would be out.

It was something like October 12th or 15th.

It could be that PMR was over on the 12th, and the album release was on the 15th.
Something like that.

See? I remember.

(I don’t remember where you can find petroleum in Malaysia, or where lada hitam is planted, but I remember Chuck‘s release date.)

Oh, I digressed.

Lu had a recent post on her blog, and she was talking about the night all of us were in Morib.

It’s very contradictory, actually.

If you think about the things we’ve done,
like lying under the stars, singing songs, talking about everything and nothing in particular,
or like waltzing the night away to a rock song on a special friend’s birthday,
like going completely crazy in our hotel rooms during trips year after year,
or going ang pao hunting and being followed by an Indian man (either that, or we were just being paranoid)….
feels like they happened just last year.

But if you think about the amazing time we’ve had,
the friendship that grew and was nurtured into something extra-ly special,
the utter confidence (without the least bit of doubt) that these people will be there if ever you should falter ,
the comfort we have in each other’s company,
the silence we have learnt to revel in (and sometimes, the silence proves more meaningful than words could be)…
and you think, ‘What? It’s only been 4.5 years?!

It seemed so much longer.

Like I said, contradictory.

It takes you a moment to realize that we’ve all grown up now.

Back then, college seemed like a very very distant future. It’d take forever until we graduate from high school.

But “forever” has come and gone, all in the span of four years.

We’re no longer the bunch of kids who talked so much, Pn. Ng Hui Gek had to put each of us in different corners of the classroom.

No longer are we the bunch of kids who would lock ourselves in the store room during free periods, so we could dance and play air guitars and do bad boyband imitations.

We’re no longer the bunch that buys coloured paper, asks for cardboard from the canteen uncle, then goes and create a group diary detailing the little “encounters” we had with our crushes (we were so young then!)

The little feuds we had seemed so naive and insignificant now.

Till now, Fui and I still occasionally talk about that time when she had a birthday party, but didn’t invite me, and I thought she was mad at me.

In fact, she didn’t invite me only because she thought I was mad at her.

Form 1 kids, sigh. -Shakes head-

It makes me very proud to think of where we are now.

The celebration three years ago, after getting our PMR results, going to the CHS / Kasturi award ceremony.

The celebration few months ago, after getting our SPM results, going to the CHS / Kasturi award ceremony. Though in my case, only a half-celebration =(

SPM was like THE GOAL we were working towards, the only thing we were gearing up for the whole time we were at high school.

So getting good results, was like finally getting there.

(Though if you think about it, if it was all like the working world, and SPM results were our careers, then if we all got together later, I’d be like the housewife burdened with kids and bills, while the others are CEOs and Chief-of-Surgery’s and rich investment bankers.)

Okay, bad and confusing analogy. Forget that.

Now one is a JPA scholar, on the way to become a dentist (and back then I thought JPA scholars we not human, like they’re a whole step above us normal people),
one is a future psychologist in the making,
another is in Taiwan, also a future dentist……

Back then, three things scared me the most (and I mean the ‘scared’ that makes you have nightmares).

One, growing up.

Two, family members ‘leaving’.

Three, the bunch of us being strangers one day.

Number three worried me a lot.

But we’re all grown up now.

We no longer have 3-hour phone conversations going on into midnight.

We don’t sit around and giggle about things like crushes, like we did when we were 13.

And once we move on to universities in some country or other next year, I wouldn’t be recieving SMS-es going, “Eh, wanna go watch movie?”.

Or if I were feeling weird slash sad, I wouldn’t be able to call someone and have her say, “I’ll be over in 10 minutes”, and the next thing you know, she’d standing outside of your porch, ready to hear whatever gripe you have.

Which scares me a lot.

‘Cause I wonder if I’d ever find a bunch like them again.

There was once when I was deeeep in the pits for a brief period, I was very unmotivated and had a lot of “What’s the point?” kind of questions, and I looked in my mail box one day and found a handmade card inside.

A smiley-faced handmade card.

And there was a poem.

If you ever feel that you can’t go on
When your life just becomes too hard
And the dreams you thought were within your reach
Suddenly seem so far
When the world is on your case
And you don’t have a place to run
No matter what’s bothering you
WE will be by your side
WE will be the rock that you can lean on
WE will be your guide
Like a fairy tale
come true
Just reach for us
WE WILL rescue you

And when I got to the end, I was completely floored.

I felt like the luckiest person in the world then, and I wanted to slap myself for having thought otherwise.

If someone asked me how my adolescent years were, I’d answer with full conviction that it couldn’t have been better.

So much more than wonderful.

Thanks for everything, you guys.

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