Je suis devenu cette personne.

Oh yay, I’ve become That Person.

That Person who, when hanging out with her friends, tries to decide between just following what everyone else is doing, or NOT succumbing to peer pressure but end up seeming very uppish and annoyingly holier-than-thou.

It is 10:45 pm on a FRIDAY NIGHT, and here I am, alone in my room.

Friday night!

I just came back from this little drinking party. I didn’t want to go, parties dedicated entirely to booze is not my kind of thing, but my friends were going, and no one wants to be alone on a Friday night. So I went with them.

Everyone was drinking except me.

I felt like such a prude, especially every time this guy walked around the room every 5 minutes topping up people’s drinking glasses and I went, “No thank you” when he walked past me, and especially especially when everyone else was crazy laughing and having hallucinatory fun from the alcohol.

I am not a stuck-up prude! It might seem like I’m one, but I have NOTHING against people who like alcohol, in fact I sometimes down a couple of glasses, but I just choose not to go beyond that, so why do I feel like a big-time party pooper when I left early? Like damn anti-social like that. (Not drink on a Friday night? Leaving a party early on a FRIDAY NIGHT?! Oh the blasphemy!)

I like dance parties better. Everyone there might still be drunk, but at least you can choose not to drink and still dance and enjoy yourself, and no one knows/cares that you didn’t drink as long as you look like you’re having a good time.

I have seen enough cases of people puking on the way back to their dorm, or worse, girls passing out in guys’ rooms, to know that that is not what I want happen to me.

But I cannot even begin to describe the awkwardness of being the only person in the room not drinking during a Drinking Party.

I’m going to have one heck of a hard time staying a non-drinking person by end of my four years here!

Every time I talk to my mom on the phone, and I provide glimpses of the Grinnell party culture, she’d say the same thing. “Mou hok kui dei ahhh!” (Don’t learn from them ahh!)

And I’d reply with the same thing – that she always says the same thing when I call, and that she shouldn’t worry because I don’t believe in getting drunk and that I respect myself too much to not stand by my beliefs.

The last thing I wanna do is betray that trust. I never lied to my parents about not doing something I shouldn’t be doing, (unless you count the time in high school when I told them I was staying back for schoolwork and ended up spending the afternoon in Amcorp Mall HAHAH), and I don’t want to start now loh. Them trusting me enough to send me off to the otherside of the earth where they cannot keep an eye on me? I am very selfish, I don’t want to make myself guilty, so I don’t drink. Being guilty spoils my mood. I am selfish.

* * * * *

Also, I ‘m going through completely uncalled-for drama. Very high-school-ish kind of drama.

Dealing with roommate issues.

Not my current roommate, you see, but my future roommate.

A few people asked if I wanted to room with them next year, but I never gave anyone a firm answer, until two days ago when I decided I’d room with my supercool Korean friend.

Then suddenly this other girl became mad at me, because she had the idea that I promised I’d be her roommate. And she wouldn’t even tell me WHY she was mad at me, she suddenly duwan talk to me lidat, I had to figure it out for myself. I thought she saja-saja get angry.

Damn high school loh.

Something I don’t need to deal with right now.

* * * * *

You know what?

I don’t blog when I’m happy.

I don’t blog when good things are happening to me.

It’s weird how the only time I ever feel like writing in this thing, is when I feel bad or confused or when I need to clear my head or when I am generally not-happy.

Weirder still is that I actually feel better after writing.

(Right after walking back from the party I was feeling really sucky. Like super anti-social prude like that. Then after writing the above I feel a lot better. I just needed reminding why deciding to stick to my guns was the best decision, even if the reminder came from myself.)

So yah, that’s why it seems like I’m always complaining here.

I’m not an always-complaining sort of person, and I don’t only have bad times here in Grinnell, goodness knows there had been some amazing stuff that happened that I never had the urge to write about in here.

So yeah. Bye bye.

(Oh I published a bunch of posts that I had previously wrote but saved as drafts. Google Reader wasn’t screwing with anybody!)

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